


In Which Jack Notes the Real Mystery of Pitch’s Clothes and Gets On With Things

by GretchenSinister



Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 11:10:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20081239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GretchenSinister/pseuds/GretchenSinister
Summary: Original Prompt: "I got this idea from watching Jude Law in Rage (link here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8g3fKtXIURw)Basically it’s as the title says. Pitch is secretly a transvestite. One of the Guardians finds out. Awkward hilarity ensues.Can be total crack, or can have a serious edge. Up to the author."To be honest, I didn’t watch the clip. To be even more honest, the idea of a man wearing typical womens’ clothes as a recipe for instant crack–well, I get significantly more amusement from questioning that assumption with all the innocence of a three year old child until the person who proposed the idea gets uncomfortable.So Jack shows up and finds Pitch wearing a dress. All right, that still doesn’t affect his brilliant, never-before-tried plan to try an avoid a repeat of Easter (it involves memes).





	In Which Jack Notes the Real Mystery of Pitch’s Clothes and Gets On With Things

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on 8/6/2016

“It _is_ a dress, not a robe,” Pitch says flatly. He folds his arms and glares at Jack. “What do you want? I haven’t been doing anything. I haven’t been out at all. I don’t…I hardly have enough power to change my clothes. You and the others defeated me. Can’t you just leave me alone? Can’t you stop yourself from barging in and finding out what I do when I’m alone? I can already hear the things you’re going to say the next time we fight.”  
  
Silence weighs heavy in the air after Pitch finishes speaking.   
  
“Well!” Jack shakes his head in exasperation. “There isn’t really a huge opening for conversation there, so I hope you don’t mind if I kind of ignore some of it. Okay! So. Totally see that it’s a dress. One hundred percent. That loose, drapey style is in right now, as far as I can tell, that is, uh, the wind and I have this bet between us—that’s not relevant. The point is you do still have the power to stay in fashion.”  
  
“Why are you trying to be kind?” Pitch asks.  
  
Jack tilts his head to the side. “Because this current moment doesn’t have anything to do with you trying to kill my friends? I mean, so you’re wearing a dress. How did you expect me to react? Am I supposed to find this the most shocking thing about you? Whether your clothes are a dress or a robe is nothing compared to the question of where you hid Baby Tooth in them in Antarctica. I’ve asked her. Even she doesn’t know.”  
  
Pitch smiles very slightly. To Jack, this seems like definite encouragement.  
  
“Anyway. I have to say I’m pretty concerned with your assumption that I’d taunt you for wearing a dress. Is this something the other Guardians have given you reason to expect?” He frowns. “Just considering them, as themselves, that doesn’t make sense—Sandy honestly wouldn’t know a pronoun even if it bit him for one thing, but, then again the rest of us have just assumed for him and so I guess that’s not a great sign—and I know they’ve been out of touch with kids for a while but we _are_ meant to protect all children and—”  
  
“Jack, stop.” Pitch hangs his head. “This dress, me wearing it…” He twists his hands in the fabric. “It has nothing to do with my gender. I’m still a man, or, well, close enough to that concept. I just wanted to wear it.” He sighs, and slowly unclenches his hands. “I’m tired. Can you just tell me why you’re here?”  
  
“All right.” Jack takes a few steps towards him. “Everyone agrees that it was messed up, what happened last Easter, and we don’t want it to happen again. Me and the others agreed to try some different things to keep it from happening again. And this is the first thing I’m trying, that is, coming and talking to you.” He takes off a backpack Pitch hadn’t noticed he was wearing. “I brought soda,” he says, and pulls out a couple of somewhat radioactive-looking drinks. “Don’t make that face, I don’t have a realm and it’s way easier for me to carry things if kids think they’re fun somehow.”  
  
“If I don’t talk, are you going to fight me?” Pitch asks.  
  
“No.” Jack opens a soda. “We’re still at neutral, now. But I will come back tomorrow, and etc. I want this talking thing to work. I want to be sure we fought you because of what you did, not what you are.” He holds out the bottle.  
  
After a long pause, Pitch snatches it out of Jack’s hands and backs away a few steps. “What in the world can we possibly talk about?” he asks, before taking a huge gulp of the soda, which he swallows with a shudder.  
  
Jack grins. “You’re probably worried about this being a serious conversation, right? Well, that is _so_ not how my plan works.”  
  
“You have a plan?” Pitch asks suspiciously.  
  
“Don’t even worry about it. It’s a loose plan.” Jack rummages around in the backpack some more, and pulls out a tablet. “Now, do you know what Homestar Runner is?”  
  
*  
  
“I understand the plan now,” Pitch says, much later. “You’re trying to permanently distract me by filling my brain with all this—this—this miscellany.” He takes a drink from a fourth bottle of soda. “And, also to give me cause to beg for Tooth’s mercy and a complimentary toothbrush, and, also, to give me cause to go beg Sandy for some dreamsand after all this caffeine. There will be traps at both places.”  
  
“Wrong,” Jack says, taking the tablet and typing something into it. “I, um, you know I don’t think of twists like that.”  
  
Pitch chuckles, and there’s hardly any edge to it at all. Finally, into a silence made restful by the absence of memes, he speaks again. “I like to wear dresses because that’s not what the boogeyman wears. I’ve learned that the boogeyman isn’t anyone or anything beautiful at all, and I don’t enjoy being completely repulsive. When I wear dresses, I’m still me, but I’m not exactly the boogeyman. I’m someone who…who might have something a little bit beautiful about them. But now you’ve seen me in a dress, so you know the boogeyman does wear dresses. You might have ruined them for me. I don’t know what else I’ll do if you have.”  
  
Jack turns to him. _Now there’s a starting point,_ he thinks. _Even if I don’t know what to do about it since those issues probably go back millennia. Should have known it wouldn’t be just Pitch I had to talk to for this plan._  
  
“I’m sure you’ll think of something,” Jack says casually. “Now, you pick, do you want to learn what a creepypasta is or see makeup tutorials, first?”  
  
*  
  
When Jack exits Pitch’s lair, the tablet remains behind, despite Pitch’s protests that he can’t do magic wifi. He’s pretty sure that he’s really hit on something with this talking plan, even if it’s just starting off with talk about random things on the internet. After all, the dress Pitch was wearing had looked a little bit more well-tailored even after just these few hours.  
  
Funny. He’d never thought of Pitch in a nice dress as a measure of any sort of success. Then again, that’d probably be the easiest mental adjustment made by anybody in the weeks and months to come.

**Author's Note:**

> Tags and Comments from Tumblr:
> 
> #'a man in women's clothing! total crack!'=do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars
> 
> kazechama said: this is beautiful from start to finish and heart-warming. also I shall question people with the innocence of a three year old too, from now on!
> 
> bowlingforgerbils said: This was sweet and I enjoyed the reference to Homestar Runner. :)


End file.
